previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
We're hanging out near the back of the ship, and you see a fireball erupt out of the forest.
Fireball! We're being attacked! We're being attacked!
You see a red, a black, and a blue dragon emerge from the forest line.
I just like, take a lap of the ship, like, there's three dragons behind us! We're under attack!
I get Captain Neff to turn a little bit to the left so that the cannons are better lined up towards the red and black dragons,
to try and nab that red dragon as it dives out of the way.
And the second volley quickly follows behind it, and that dragon takes three huge hits.
What about the force fields?
And she looks you dead in the fucking eye, and she's like,
The fuck you talking about, bitch? They're no fucking force fields!
Never mind!
Go back down and make your bombs!
And we're going to try to push that bear masthead onto the dragon.
And the two cannons that are on the front release, and these two extra potent exploding devices,
it makes it explode off the front of the ship and knock it down to the earth below.
And you land on the outskirts of the city of Xanthal's tower.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons!
We are a D&D 5th edition actual play podcast, and I'm your dungeon master, Russ More, and with me today is Carla Johnson!
Hey, I play Nulara Moonbrook.
And Amy More!
What up? I play Thea Anastasia.
And Tom Laird!
Hey, that's me. I play Flint Firebeard.
Welcome, everybody! How we doing today?
The voice got so high!
It did get a little high. I liked it.
We're very excited to be playing D&D today.
Me too!
I think we all are, guys.
This will be a pleasant listening experience. Let's keep this going.
Yeah, it's going to be great, guys.
You cut that out. No Disney shit.
They are notoriously litigious.
That was very obviously Mickey. They will come after you.
Disney knockoff!
It's DOSNY!
Flammikins is really like a heroin addict Mickey Mouse.
Wow.
I can see it.
It got really dark.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's bad. Anyways.
God, I got kind of sick.
Real bad, guys.
Next episode, we have an intervention for Flammikins.
I'm glad we had her on this airship. She's been detoxing.
Dear Flammikins, you have hurt me in the following way.
Exactly.
Your actions.
I got you on this fucking ship, guys. You better be thanking me.
No, you didn't.
I did too.
We let you stay on this ship because you happened to be with us.
I work on this ship.
You weren't even supposed to be up here.
I can no longer offer you my friendship or support unless you choose this gift today.
It's only $19.95.
Anyways.
It'll make you pay to go to rehab. Other people pay for that.
This episode and all of our best episodes are dedicated to our patrons.
Of course.
This is going to be a best episode?
Oh, this is going to be one of our best episodes.
We're laying down the gauntlet.
Starting really good.
Okay, I'm ready.
So this episode, if you are a Patreon, you get a random episode dedicated to you.
Someone is a Patreon?
That's right.
Like they are Patreon?
We are Legion.
They are Patreon.
We dedicate an episode to you.
And today's episode is dedicated to Alicia Mae.
Alicia.
Thanks, Alicia.
You rock.
And if you want to join us on Patreon, Patreon.com.
Fuck it, guys.
Let's play D&D.
Yeah.
Yeah, you made it on your outskirts of town.
There's Anthos Tower.
You see the tower with the surrounding overgrown, what looks like a maze.
Is it amazing?
It looks like it could use some work.
Oh.
Is it dis-mazing?
No?
Looks like it's been...
You're missing my pun.
Don't blow right past my pun.
Mine was so disapproving.
I was confused.
I was angry.
Never looks grumpy.
And he just has this like, what the fuck was that look on his face?
It was like the grumpiest face.
Do better, Carla.
Do better.
Got better in you.
There were 48 episodes and that was the worst.
That made Tom angry and confused.
Note to self, make some more really bad puns because Tom does not like them.
Does not care for them.
Anyway, the maze looks overgrown.
Sorry, Russ.
Probably not well traveled, what with it being a death maze and all.
They're losing groundskeepers left right in the center.
It's just impossible to be upkeep on this thing.
The school field trip there was a fucking nightmare.
Do you peter down the stepladders?
Do just us five go down and then Captain Neff like spirits away?
Just takes off.
Or what?
I don't know.
She's like, wait.
I don't know if I should stay or should I go.
I don't know.
Maybe you have a conversation with Captain Neff before you go.
Captain Neff, do you need to go continue on with your mission that you were on with the other ships?
Or are you going to just chill here and wait for us to go through the death maze and come back?
I guess we probably should have talked about how long you plan on being here.
What's your goal?
Extraction.
We're here on a straight rescue mission.
Okay.
Well, I mean, it would probably be quicker for you to get back with the ship.
Oh, we'd like you to stay.
You proved yourselves very handy on the ship, especially in the face of several dragons.
I wish I had my bear's head still.
But I mean, thank you for saving us.
I'll carve another one while I wait maybe.
But yeah, we'll just go around the perimeter and keep an eye out for things.
I'm sure we'll keep a low profile.
So it's going to be like there's no parking spots downtown.
So you're just slowly circling the block.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, we don't know where we'll be leaving from.
So it's actually a pretty smart idea.
Solid, yeah.
I suspect we will, yeah, be leaving in a hurry and want to get on the ship quickly.
The rescue mission, it might be that way.
Yes.
Okay.
Yeah, we'll definitely stay while you go do your business in the town and tower and maze.
Good luck with that.
Okay.
So you're heading down?
Yes.
Yep.
Nularaaaa, Flint, Thea, Thaddeus and Flamikins head towards the city, the village,
which is also called Xanthal's Tower conveniently and the settlement.
Actually, everybody make a history check to see how much I can give you before you actually get into town.
Oh my god, my rolls suck ass.
It's your history.
11.
I mean, that's better than five.
I got a 27.
What the fuck?
Flint, you know a lot about things.
You've been reading a lot, my friend.
I also know that this Xanthal's Tower used to be called Grandsopolis.
Was it though?
We're not in the skills challenge anymore.
I'm not just giving you shit.
And there's a force field all of a sudden.
We're good.
There is a force field.
That's true, but it's not our force field.
So, yeah, Flint, you definitely know.
Flamikins doesn't know.
Thaddeus knows.
So Flint and Thaddeus know that Xanthal's Tower was a settlement that began as a place where Xanthal's many apprentices established homes of their own.
And as years passed, more settlers were drawn to the area as word spread that the wizard and his apprentices offered excellent protection against marauding orcs and monsters.
The village is smaller now than it was in its heyday.
But you know that there are about 300 people that still live in this village and you stroll up to it.
I strut.
You strut and stroll and walk up to it.
You can tell by the way she uses her walk.
I'm a woman's man.
We should probably talk.
Yeah.
And as you come up to it, you kind of get the sense that it it obviously is a larger village than what the number of people are holding there because some of the buildings are in a bit of disrepair because nobody's been taking care of absolutely every building that's in there.
But you enter the village and you're walking down streets and there are various different people.
There's different humans and elves and halflings all kind of working about and going about.
You don't see a lot of them just based on the size as you're going in, but you do pass people as you're walking in.
Is there anything that I noticed specifically about these people?
Do they look, is there a mix of like high class people, poor people?
Are they looking like kind of like they're thriving here?
Are they looking like they're kind of poor people living in fear living next to a giant death maze?
No, nobody looks in fear.
In fact, you are like smiled at and greeted.
They don't know it's here.
And they don't look like they're scared or nobody looks like they're increasingly poor.
Like nobody looks super high class, but they don't look like they're too hard off.
Like everybody looks well fed and has mostly clean clothes and they just look like they're going about their day.
Are they wearing cultist robes or just like normal clothes?
Just normal clothes.
I stop a particularly friendly looking person and I say, excuse me.
You stop a female halfling and she's carrying a basket full of bakery goods.
And she says, oh, yes, yes.
I was wondering, we just arrived here.
What's in that tower?
Well, I mean.
Is it like a tourist attraction or can we visit?
There isn't really anything in the tower.
I mean, there's been some strange happenings the last few days.
I mean, not the last few days, the last few months.
Kind of strange happening.
Well, I mean, it went dark there for quite a while.
And then and then light started coming on.
There's different different rumors that go about town as to what it could be.
But nothing nothing should be in in the tower.
So, I mean, it's all just a little bit of hearsay.
Nobody can go into the tower unless they go through the maze.
So nobody goes and checks.
Oh, nobody.
Why doesn't anyone go and check?
Because you have to go through the maze, my dear.
Yeah, but it's a maze.
Obviously, you can just find the solution to the maze and go check on the tower.
Yeah, you're you're not you're not wrong.
I mean, I've been through mazes before.
You're planning on going in into the maze.
I take it based on your your sudden interest in the in the tower and in the maze.
So why wouldn't we?
Well, I go check out this tower like we got to go through the maze.
You just said so yourself.
I mean, the maze is quite dangerous.
Few who enter it ever come back out.
And the few that actually do come back out look quite worse for wear.
A dangerous maze?
I don't know.
I've been through a bunch of mazes before.
None of them have been dangerous.
You you, sir, look like one who's perhaps seen a little bit more battle
than most of the people around here.
We come here because of the protection that the the thought of the maze offers us.
But nobody nobody wishes to go in into the maze for fear.
I mean, like I've been to like fairs before.
They've had corn mazes.
It's no it's no big deal.
I don't I don't know what's what's different about this.
My dear, this this maze was was created by the wizard Zanthal.
Oh, so it's a magic maze.
Well, you should have said that right from the get go.
I figured you knew with your your direct questions and my mentioning of a wizard in the tower.
You said no one was in the tower wizard creating the tower.
I don't think the word wizard ever came out.
No, it didn't.
But but that's OK.
So nobody was.
You're just going to edit that word in here.
It was clean.
It was a clean take.
I can do whatever I want.
Wizard.
So nobody lives in the tower.
Nobody goes in the maze.
But you guys are offered protection living here.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, there's there's enchantments and spells cast on the tower
and the maze itself.
And the danger is enough to keep any any orcs or anybody coming in to attack us.
You had that's great.
You mentioned most people don't return, but some have looking worse.
For where are any of those who have returned from the maze in the village still?
No, no.
They were mostly adventurers coming to look to find something inside the tower,
some sort of riches or or magical knowledge.
Frequently, the only people who actually venture in that way are our visitors to our town.
And we welcome all visitors and they can come try their hand at the maze.
But we try to warn them that they will have a difficult time if they set foot in.
And if we decided to take a shot at it, how how do we get in there?
Well, there there is an entrance.
I could show you the way.
Would you like me to show you show you the way?
Do you know any like tips for getting through this maze?
I have not been in been in myself.
Are there any like, you know, folk tales or legends or anything?
Yeah, like an UpUpDownDownLeftRightLeftRightBeAselectStart sort of situation?
I don't know.
I don't know what you're referring to.
You must have been many other places.
It's the Contra Code, Russ.
Come on.
Right.
Yes, I don't know.
You speak weird languages.
You must come from far away.
No, because we've we just use the protection of of the of the maze itself as a as a deterrent in and of itself.
And nobody from the village has tried to go in there.
And we try very hard to avoid going in there.
And as you see, as we go up, there's we've set up gates to prevent our animals and our herds from going in to prevent our children from from just wandering in.
I have no information, unfortunately, that can guide you through it.
Well, if you could show us to the entrance, that would be great.
Also, is this bread for sale?
It looks delicious.
Yes.
Did you forget you were carrying a basket of bread?
No.
Well, I've had that song from Beauty and the Beast in my head since you said it.
Yep.
So have you, too.
Bonjour.
Hey, I was talking to Disney.
Sorry.
Oh, yeah.
Right.
It's just as soon as I pictured someone with a basket of bread.
There goes the baker with his tray.
Exactly.
As you guys are walking.
You're not going to sell me any bread?
Fine.
Whatever.
Yeah.
She said, yeah, of course.
And then you went into Disney songs.
Oh, sorry.
I hand her.
Do you want bread?
OK.
Here's your bread.
Thank you.
And I give her whatever bread costs.
Whatever bread costs.
It turns out the bread is the key to the maze after all.
We're through safely, guys.
All the monsters are gluten intolerant.
Oh, no.
Like real people.
She gives everyone a loaf of bread.
You are welcome to your pick.
There is.
I'm on guard with my baguette.
I loved it, Tom.
It was really good.
Thank you.
I think the moors just missed it, but I loved it.
I feel like I missed it.
I was calling gluten intolerant people monsters.
Yeah.
It's good.
OK.
She gives you all your bread.
And as you're walking through the city, weaving through its streets, she says, well,
it doesn't appear that I'm going to deter you from going in.
So I'll tell you, I guess, the rumors that have been stirring up since the lights
have been turning back on in the tower.
The most popular theories and rumors that have been going around are the fact
that it's possible that Zaunful himself may have returned as an awakened and
awakened as a lich.
That's one theory flying about or that one of the genies or elementals that
he kept trapped there broke free and is bound within the tower.
So that's a possibility as well.
So you think they're just floating around the tower turning on light?
It's definitely possible.
I mean, I don't know what genies or elementals can do.
What's this?
You can't see that, Russ.
If you're going to accept the rules of this world, you've got to play within them too.
Fair enough.
Yeah, so maybe we don't know exactly.
I mean, we don't go there.
You aren't going to try and destroy the tower, Mace?
No, no.
But it did sound like you were saying a third thing that I interrupted you.
I'm sorry about that.
What did I say?
I said the lich, possibly the genies, elementals.
Or the elementals or genies.
And then you were launching into a third one and I kind of cut you off.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, I mean, only a couple of people have seen it.
But there's been it's not really in regards to the lights.
But I mean, it's interesting that you show up here.
What were your names?
Jill.
Jill?
OK.
I mean, you look familiar.
I'm Gil.
That's what they call me.
Famile Jill.
Jill.
Gil.
And yours?
I'm still like a window.
Yep.
Dill.
Yeah.
Not Bill.
Dill.
Like Spike.
And Milly.
Way to mix it up.
That's very nice.
OK.
That's fair.
No, I was just going to say that some people have seen and we've dismissed it because we haven't seen them.
But like a blue dragon in the area.
Oh, do you guys get a lot of dragons around here?
That seems crazy.
No, no, we really don't.
So you haven't seen it then?
No, no.
Just something that's being spread about the younger, younger crowd.
Millennials, right?
What?
I like Russ's new, no, attitude.
No, it's not happening.
No, not that.
Just going to shut this down immediately.
Like she's leading us through the village, I imagine?
Yeah.
Unless there's anything that you're specifically looking for or looking to do.
I don't think so.
I'm looking to kill stuff in a maze.
OK.
So yeah, she leads you to and there's a path that only one path as you're going that leads directly up to the maze.
And you look down the path and you can see into the maze.
And there is a, it's not even much of a gate, but more of like a picket fence that goes across and has been built all the way around.
And she opens the gate and she says, this is this is the entrance.
Thank you.
What was your name?
My name?
Till.
Tilly.
Yes.
How you do play.
Oh, he plays.
Yes, Tilly.
Tilly Thunderfoot.
He runs this game.
Tilly Thunderfoot.
Well, thank you for the bread and for the rumors and for guiding us here.
Of course.
Thanks, Tilly.
I wish you the best of luck.
I hope to see you again.
Oh, you will.
Swing on by the bakery if you make it back out.
OK, bye.
And she scurries off.
I feel like we just stand in a line at the entrance of the maze.
It's just like.
So.
Just taking it all in.
Yeah.
It looks like a maze.
All right, you first find the hints.
As you're just kind of standing there, the hedge maze, which surrounds the central
tower, is and it's it's huge.
But yeah, it does look like it's been overgrown and hasn't been taken care of
as far as mazes go.
It doesn't appear that there are any other ways in or out.
It's just this one entrance in front of you.
The maze appears from the outside.
If you weren't, you know, if you didn't know that it was a maze, the maze
appears to be a more or less pleasant hedge.
Again, a little bit overgrown with a ringed garden around it and seemingly
no resemblance to a maze at all.
It's a maze that doesn't look like a maze.
Are you ready, guys?
So you've arrived and it is let's say it's kind of evening hours.
So sun's still up probably for another few hours.
What do you guys want to do?
Do we want to head in in the dark extraction at night?
Maybe easier.
Do we want to camp out, wait and head in in the morning?
What do you think?
Personally, I prefer the cover of darkness.
I think that if anyone can see us looking from the tower above into the
maze below, we're going to be a lot easier to spot during the day.
But no, but that's that's my that's my opinion.
I think we should go at night.
I think we should go now.
Ready to kick some ass.
Flint?
Yeah, I mean, either one works for me.
It might be easier landmark wise if we're if this is truly a maze that maybe
like shifts around or changes in any way, shape or form during the day might
be easier.
But I don't mind this under the cover of darkness idea either.
Thaddeus Flamekins, you get a vote.
Yeah, I've never been in a maze before being on a ship most of my life.
So I'm excited to see what happens.
Thaddeus is saying well, she votes for the maze.
Yeah, Thaddeus just says I'm I'm I'm just I'm just here to be helpful.
Let's not answer, which is actually not very helpful, Thaddeus.
I know knowing a little bit about the maze.
It's just it's a magical maze.
So we don't know what we're getting into.
It's been determined by the city that the town folk here.
They don't they don't have any information for us.
So I don't know if night or day is better.
It's weird.
We we do some weird shit, so it could be all fucked up in there.
Yeah, night or day doesn't it's a good point.
That is doesn't matter.
So we're here.
It's not going to get easier if we wait until tomorrow.
So I vote we go for it.
Let's do this.
As you prepare to step onto the garden path, everybody make a perception check.
I really shouldn't use this anymore.
It draws a lot of twos.
Two.
Plus perception, which is eight.
Ten.
Eleven.
I'm going to roll this one.
OK.
Yeah, I'm I'm switching that dice out and choosing another.
Oh, Flammigan's got a one.
That is better.
As you prepare to step onto the garden path, you notice movement high up on the tower
and a human male dressed in black robes stands on the balcony waving something over his head.
It's hard to make out details from this distance.
But I steal the looky-loo from the airship.
Did you?
I don't know.
Did I?
You tell me there, Flint.
Well, I mean, if Cyril missed the fucking dragons flying up, then maybe I did.
All right.
Let's say you've got a looky-loo.
Flint, use the looky-loo.
And now every time you say you have to say, let's take a little looky-loo.
I'm going to take a little looky-loo.
So see what this dude's got over his head for everybody else.
For everybody else, it's hard to make out.
But to Flint, it looks like it might be a blue mask.
And you hear the voice call out.
And he screams.
He says, heroes.
They saw you in the village.
I've taken the mask, but they'll realize it's missing within minutes.
Look for me beneath the tower for it's the only place I have a chance to hide.
This seems like a terrible plan.
Why is he screaming?
He is not a smart guy.
This is the key that will let you teleport into the dungeon.
As he speaks, the figure holds aloft a second item, some sort of white Glimering hourglass.
I will leave it behind after I use it, but others may find it before you do.
The speaker looks over his shoulder as another figure suddenly dashes out onto the balcony.
A flash of blades and spell fire erupts.
Then the figure who spoke pitches his attacker over the railing before dashing back inside.
So that was the thing that just happened.
All right, well, our cover's blown.
From the sounds of his description, they already knew you were there, which is why he was screaming out.
Oh, OK.
They saw you in the village.
Oh, I thought I said I saw you in the village.
No, I saw you.
Heroes, you've come to save me.
He just got very excited.
Yeah.
But I don't want to marry.
Yeah, exactly.
I just want to...
Sing.
No singing.
We should have maybe yelled at this dude to let his hair down.
Maybe that would have worked to help us in.
OK.
So you're dashing in now, I presume.
Yeah, let's get her.
Yeah.
You run into the path and you run for...
It's less than a minute.
But you're running along a winding path and you've entered an open area,
which is an intersection where eight paths converge symmetrically.
You can see Xanthal's tower dead ahead above the hedge wall.
But the way the paths curve, there's no telling which one might lead to it.
They all seem to turn away about 15 feet into each of them.
A sundial stands in the center of the intersection.
The shadow from the gnomon, which is what it's referring to...
No, I had no idea what that little thing was called.
Yeah, there you go.
The shadow from its gnomon, it points straight toward the tower,
which is highly odd because the sun isn't directly behind you.
Your shadows point in the proper direction.
Only the sundial's shadow points ahead.
Russ, am I able to pick the sundial up?
The sundial appears anchored to the ground and cannot be moved or shifted.
Can I move the gnomon?
You attempt to move the gnomon and it does not move as well.
Do you say gnomon?
Gnomon.
So maybe we should...
So the sundial is...
So you're in, say, call it a square area.
Sundial is in the direct center.
You've entered, so there is a pathway directly in front of you,
to the sides of you, behind you, and then to each corner of this room.
So we'll start with the one in front of you will be called A,
then we'll go clockwise, B, C, D, E, F, G, H.
So there should be eight total ways to get in and out of this area.
And the sundial is...the shadow is pointing straight ahead?
Towards the entrance A, which is in the direction that you see Xanthal's tower.
So we would have come in in the E?
For entry.
Perfect. E for entry, perfect, yeah.
Oh, but E's also for Ygris, so...
Well, we also will need to leave that way, so it makes sense.
You guys, I think since there's really no way to tell which way to go,
I think the straight, I think this one, right ahead of us.
Yeah, that's where the shadow is pointing, correct?
Yep.
I mean, it's as good a guess as any.
We'll just have to be somehow very quick, but also methodical.
Perfect.
So yeah, you head down the pathways straight in front of you,
following where the shadow points and the direction of Xanthal's tower there.
And it takes no more than about a minute.
And you make your way through these winding paths.
The hedges around you are about eight feet tall,
and you can see Xanthal's tower over the hedges.
And as you're winding through,
you come back and out and into the very same sundial area.
The shadows at this point, though, are now pointing to A and C.
Did we just come out of C? Where do we come out?
As you come out, it's unclear which one you came out of.
It's a magic maze, Amy.
Oh, I know it's a magic maze.
So we're using A and C narrative mechanically, so I can tell you which ones.
But as you enter, you kind of are looking for these things.
And the room seems to spin.
But the tower always stays in the same place, right?
It's just...
Are you looking for the tower now?
Yeah, where's the tower?
As you're traveling, you looked to one direction and the tower was there.
And as you get out into this room,
you look to the same direction and the tower is not there.
It's in another direction.
Which direction is the tower in?
Where it was pointing more towards the A,
now it's pointing kind of towards the D.
And the shadows are pointing to entry A and C.
Hmm.
How about this one? And I gesture to C.
Sure.
On our way to entrance C, Russ,
I would like to drop some coins or something on the ground to mark our entry there.
Sure.
Sorry, what do you drop exactly?
I drop five bronze pieces.
Or copper pieces, or whatever the fuck the lowest currency is.
Panies!
Okay.
You drop, leaving your trail of money breadcrumbs,
and you head down, sorry, you said C.
You travel down and it takes you, again, about less than a minute,
and you enter a large 80-foot square courtyard.
And filling the center of this 80-foot square courtyard is a circular pool of water 60 feet across.
The water is dark and murky, reducing visibility to about one foot.
A garnet gemstone hovers one foot above the center of this pool.
Of course it does, why wouldn't it?
Another path leaves the area through the hedge wall on the far side of the pool,
directly opposite where you entered.
Maybe this would be a good time for levitation boots if we don't want to touch that water.
Um, yes.
But then again, maybe touching the stone is a bad idea, so.
Yeah, what do you think, because Donnie can also fly and get the stone.
Oh, Donnie, yes.
Yeah, my levitate with boots doesn't actually, it is levitate, it is not fly.
So, like, I can fly vertically up to 20 feet and remain suspended there.
Oh, okay.
Can I tether a rope to your foot and then push you?
I like that.
Yep, these are zero-gravity boots, they just take gravity away from me.
That's awesome.
You're like just a helium balloon, right?
Ah, I can move only by pushing or pulling against a fixed object or surface within reach, such as a wall or ceiling.
So you could, like, brace yourself against the wall, push off, and as you float by, grab whatever we need you to grab.
Grab the stone.
And continue on.
What if I stop in, like, the middle of the...
I'm saying we'll tie a rope on you, we can reel you back.
A tether.
Or we can just get Donnie to fly over there.
Or maybe this is, like, a bad idea and we shouldn't ever touch this gemstone.
I was going to say, or, like, is the garnet a test to, like, we don't care about the money aspect of the garnet, correct?
That's true.
So do we want to try and get it or not try and get it?
I say no.
I say we just keep going.
That seems fair.
If we need to come back to this room, in theory, we should be able to.
But who knows?
Yeah, yeah, we can just, like, go out the way we came in, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
Let's do that.
So, sorry, you go out the way you came in or the way on the other side.
I'm not leading you either way.
Let's not go back the way we came in.
Won't it be less confusing if we go back the way we came in, though?
Yeah, but we know where we came.
Exactly.
Are you trying to get back to the room, though, or are we trying to go somewhere else?
Well, we can't be methodical if we just keep going, if we keep going in a direction.
I don't know.
I don't think we can be methodical since all the doors keep switching on us every time we go back in anyway.
But I guess we could go back to see if Flint's coins are, like, where they are.
Give us an idea of what is happening.
Either one's cool with me.
I'm like, I give one opinion.
Carl is like, I give a different opinion.
Mazes are so tricky, though.
Because if you go back the way you came, nothing changes in theory.
But if you go another way, something should shift by the time you get back to your original room, if we are back to that original room.
So it's like, do you go back the way you came and expect nothing to change and then do something differently?
Or do you expect it to change and then hopefully learn something from it changing?
Exactly.
This is what you have to decide, Flint.
Oh, how dare you?
So we're trying to figure out if we go forward or if we go back.
I mean, if we go forward, we haven't hit a dead end yet, right?
That was my thought is just keep because we're just trying to get through, right?
If we go back to the room that we were in, we already know it's there.
We don't know maybe this is the right way.
Maybe we should just keep going.
But if we come out and try to go back in, maybe it won't be the same door.
Like, maybe we can't get back.
OK, I don't know.
I don't know. I don't want to stand here any longer.
So let's go through the exit because two of you said exit.
So great. Let's go. Sure. Let's try to.
Let's just keep going forward.
You three walk around this large pool.
Five. Sorry. Yep. You five.
I even voiced one of the goddamn characters.
We lost that. It's back in the other room.
This is where I get rid of NPCs.
No. So, yeah, you go through and the path begins to curve away
and you travel on it for another another good minute
and you come back out into the same pool area.
OK, let's let's try a new Lars one.
Let's go back through the other direction and get back to the sundial room.
Sure. Yep. You go back out the way you came.
And again, the paths curve.
No real clear direction. And you end up back in the pool area.
Oh, I guess there was only one choice, wasn't there?
And it was get the fucking stone.
Apparently.
I hate it when there's illusion of choice.
So hover boots or Donnie, what do we want to do here?
Well, let's let's do hover boots.
Why not? Let's levitate.
You guys got a rope, you guys going to sling me?
Are you guys going to like whip me around and let me go?
That is the more complicated solution, right?
As opposed to Donnie just just just flying and getting it.
It says here on my character sheet that I overlook obvious solutions.
I'll give you an inspiration point for that, then.
For what? For hover boots.
Oh, thanks. For overlooking an obvious solution.
I already have an inspiration point.
Well, then you should use your inspiration.
Oh, I did use my inspiration.
She did. She rerolled it.
Well, then you have another inspiration.
Hey, sorry, does Donnie want to go?
I don't know that Donnie's like jazzed to do it, but it just makes more sense.
What if we have what if we tie the tether to Thea
and then have Donnie like trail her that way
so that he like toes her over there so she can like grab.
I think that puts two of us in danger.
What if something leaps out of this?
Yeah, exactly.
Like she's a fucking glider and he's the powered plane that's taking her up.
I think it's fun, but I think Donnie should go because if something does jump out of the water,
he needs to react quickly.
He will be able to do it, whereas I will be at the mercy.
I will just literally just be there.
Agreed.
And you guys will need to try to pull me the right direction to get away.
Okay, Donnie is going to fly to the center to try and get that garnet.
So Donnie flies to the center and does he like grab it with his mouth, his hand or his claw or whatever he's got?
Yeah, claws, not hands.
Creep.
What kind of creepy do you think he is?
Oh my god, that would be really weird.
With like little baby hands.
He could do like a bunch of finger guns.
That would be fine.
Yeah, totally.
Yeah, just with a claw, you know?
Sure.
And as he grabs it, a pincer claw reaches up out of the dark murky water and grabs his claw.
Hey there, I'm your Dungeon Master, Russ More.
Thank you so much for joining us for episode 48 of Dumbgeons and Dragons, titled A Quick Trip for a Dip and a Maze.
If you're enjoying the show and would like to support us directly, please visit our Patreon page, Patreon.com slash dumdragoncast.
Patreon is an amazing way to support the creators that you love and allow us and anyone else on Patreon the ability and freedom to do more with the shows we create.
Your support on Patreon gets you access to so many amazing things that help make this podcast better with each episode, like the ability to provide NBC names.
There will also be some Patreon created items coming down the pipe very soon.
And we do our best to make sure you see some awesome perks and rewards for being part of the community we're creating, like monthly bonus episodes, gook hangs, swag and a whole lot more.
And with our Patreon community supporting us, we've been able to upgrade some of our hardware, some of our mics, some of our stands and cover some of the costs to go to PodCon 2 coming up in January, which the vacations booked.
It's happening.
The flights are happening.
And if you haven't checked out the Indiegogo yet to go to PodCon 2, I highly recommend you check it out if you're able to make it.
And then if you are, we can say hi.
That'd be pretty cool.
Again, that's Patreon.com slash dumdragoncast.
Another way you can support the show, though, is talking about us and sharing us on your social media and other people's social media or when you're hanging out at your LGS, maybe at an adventure's league or playing your own weekly game around the table.
If you need them, all of our social media links and more about us and the show can be found at dumdragons.com.
So go check out the website and join, follow or like where you can today.
And a big thanks to Syrinscape for some of the amazing atmosphere.
Make sure you check them out at syrinscape.com to bring your games to life.
Links for everything mentioned today can be found in the description.
The next episode is next week, August 15th, when we find out if the maze is too tough for the players and the characters.
Let's get back to this episode, though, and see what those crazy tools have in store for Faerun's best hope for saving the end of the world.
Have a great week.
We'll talk soon.
And rising up out of the water, you see a tool, a large lobster like creature.
We know the tool.
You know the tool.
Your characters don't necessarily know that you have run into true.
We have run into you thought those naked.
If you don't know when what we're talking about thought a tool naked.
You should become a patron.
You can hear all about the naked tool battle and song kitty and song kitty.
And some just vicious verbal mockery and a real sassy janitor.
Yeah, just one of the best janitor characters in fiction.
I think the giant crushing pincer claw reaches up out of the pool, falling behind at the twisted and armored body of what you are familiar with as a tool.
Green, brown and yellow color pigments its hard exoskeleton rising up out of the water to reveal its crustacean like ma with tentacles moving and reaching in every direction.
Grasping for Donnie, its spine back arches as it draws power from its four spiny legs, helping it crush down on Donnie's claw.
So that reaches up and now has a hold of Donnie and Donnie.
So that's going to be eight plus four.
So that's ten bludgeoning damage.
Plus you must make an escape.
You just try and escape or be grappled.
Nineteen.
So he's not grappled.
He manages to pull three and has the garnet.
But the out of the pool, four tools begin crawling up over the edge.
Roll for initiative.
I yell fly high Donnie.
Four more so five total.
Four, four total.
So sorry.
Yeah, I boarded that poorly.
Fourteen.
Eleven.
Twenty five.
She says it so naturally.
Yeah, it's twenty five.
Twenty five.
So Nularaaaia you're up first.
Great.
Why did she roll well or something?
I am going to use dragon slayer.
Okay.
Yeah, I am.
Okay.
That is twenty five again.
And I guess just like whatever one's closest to me.
So yeah, there's one climbing up and out of the pool.
He's like on the edge of the pool and closest to you.
Okay.
So he's cheating at Marco Polo.
Exactly.
Okay.
So that is eleven.
Seventeen damage.
Okay.
You swing into this this tools rough and tough shell and crack into it a little bit.
Okay.
Yeah, keep going.
Okay.
Second attack is a twenty four.
Yep.
That will hit twenty two damage.
No, I'm lying.
I'm lying.
Twenty damage.
I'm lying.
It's forty two damage.
Twenty damage.
Okay.
So you swing and strike into it again and you chop into like one of the crooks where
its arms are and it lets out a Zoidberg scream.
Okay.
Donnie is going to use his cool shit.
Donnie's got some dope ass new tricks.
How close are any together?
None are super close together.
It's an eighty foot room.
So they're probably twenty or thirty feet apart kind of climbing up out of different
areas.
The fourth one is still within the pool kind of going towards an edge towards you
your crew.
Now it's only a sixty foot pool if I remember correctly.
Does that change where they're located?
No.
Okay.
Just thought I'd check in case I did the math badly.
I would be known to do that but I'm pretty sure I'm okay.
Donnie is going to use his fire breath.
Okay.
On.
Are they all exiting at our end?
Like are they all I assume?
We'll say tool one and two are at your end.
You're fighting number two.
Three is kind of if you draw a line straight across it the three is like off to the
right side of the room coming out.
But out of the pool.
But getting out of the pool and four is kind of in the middle of the pool coming
towards you.
More because he just like pincered right?
Yeah.
Exactly.
So he's going to go for number three.
That is only a nine.
Nine will not do it.
So.
Just wait guys.
It's real.
Yes.
Does breath.
Okay.
Does it not.
He has to recharge at the start of his turn but does he have to recharge if it
doesn't work?
But he doesn't like it's it's a breath though so it happens and then there needs
to be a saving throw not a not an attack.
Oh.
Well that's not what I have written down.
Well no I mean I could be wrong.
Fire breath.
Dragon exhales fire in a 15 foot cone.
Each creature in that area has to make DC 13.
Yeah.
So you don't make that.
They make that.
Okay.
So you don't need to roll for that.
It's almost like a spell.
It's like with my wolf breath.
Okay.
Yeah it is an arranged attack.
It's it's an area of effect.
So.
Okay.
In that 15 foot cone which is currently only one creature it will have to make a
dexterity saving throw to dodge out of the way and on a failed save it still
takes half fire.
Yeah.
On a successful save it still takes half fire damage.
Okay.
So yeah.
Great.
It just happens and then my dex is a 19.
So it takes half of the 40 10.
Okay.
Yeah.
So 7 13 18 23 half of 23.
So 11.
It looks up at Donnie through its beady eyes and sees that flame coming and dives
back towards the pool but catches the back end with that flame as it dives back
into the water there.
Flaming Kins is up and she's like well these are ugly motherfuckers.
Let's let's light them up because I like it.
It's she's going to toss chaos ball at say number one and if the area of
effect.
No it's just going to be number one.
So she's going to make it ranged attack 19 which will hit and that's
going to be five 11 force damage on number one which knocks it back to the
edge of the water.
It's not in the water but like butts up against the side of it.
And then it is the eastern see it's going to get out her oath bow and
she's going to look at the tool in the middle of the water.
Okay.
It whispers swift defeat to my enemy in like a super creep away.
Super creepy death to you who have wronged me.
And yet my enemy is in the middle.
And so here I go rolling dice.
Oh 19 and that is 3d 6.
11.
It impales into the shoulder of this tool and then it is Thaddeus's turn
Flint you got Thaddeus.
Yeah I've got I've got the spell list open because that's right where I'm
going for.
All right.
Okay.
So which which tools have been hit so far.
All of them all of them new Lars the number two tool the one that new
Lars fighting has been hit the most but everybody has been hit at some
point or another.
Okay.
He's going to grab a pinch of iron powder out of his spell of spell
bag component stuff and he's going to cast reduce on one of the
tools.
So he'll say tool number three.
So this tool has to pass a Constitution saving throw or its size
is halved and it will do less damage to people when it attacks
Constitution.
That's an 18.
Oh that's probably going to pass.
Let me just scroll up here.
Yep.
Certainly looks like 16.
Yep.
Oh well.
Well sorry about that.
It was a good try.
Yeah.
Gosh darn.
Flint you're up.
I'm going to run over to tool number two since it's already taken
some damage and try and try and sell this bad boy right out from
under new are Jeepers.
That's right.
Okay.
So I swing my axe with a rock solid 12 which I don't think is going
to do it.
No 12 doesn't hit.
Okay.
Perfect.
So you come over like new Laura.
Sorry it was a 13 but still it wasn't good.
Still does not.
Okay.
So I regroup and try with my second attack which is a 20 but
not critical.
Yeah that'll hit.
Okey dokey.
All right.
So that is 13 points of damage.
Okay.
And we'll go for another one which is a 22 so that should be no
problem.
Yep.
And I.
Oh that's a D10 plus seven.
So that's 17 damage.
Yeah.
It's nice when you roll the maximum.
And yeah that's about it after a couple good slices with the
old axe.
That's about it for my turn.
Flint comes over and whiffs his first one and then hacks after
he's a little bit frustrated at that obviously.
Double hacks into and now there are Chule guts coming out of
part of this Chules exoskeleton.
But it is Pinsir's ready.
Ready to go.
And it is Chule one and two's turn.
Number one is going to rush over to Flint and number two
will attack new Laura with two Pinsir attacks each.
So number one on Flint is a critical miss.
And a.
An 18.
What kind of damage is this.
Oh it's bludgeoning right.
Bludgeon.
Yes that should hit me then.
All right.
So you get attacked by one Pinsir for 11 bludgeoning damage
and then you must also make an escape DC.
So that's going to be eight bludgeoning damage because I
produce damage by three.
And that is an 18 then.
Yeah.
You're not grappled.
You're not grappled new Laura.
You get a critical 20.
And a 12.
That's going to be.
Shitty.
It's going to be bad.
It's not going to be bad.
I rolled poorly on the second one.
So that's nine plus four is a 13 bludgeoning damage.
And you must also make a strength based escape DC.
Okay.
And it's.
26.
Yep.
You're good.
The other two seem to be drawn to the.
Four seems to be drawn towards you Thea.
Three seems to be drawn towards Flamykins.
So four is going to come over.
And that is going to be a 21 and a 12 for their
attacks.
The 21 I assume does it.
That's going to be 10 bludgeoning.
And you must also make a strength.
Does a 10 do it.
You find yourself grappled by the tool.
And now you must also succeed on as it uses its tentacles.
They come towards you.
You must make a constitution saving throw.
This is going to go real bad with your shellfish allergy.
Seven.
But you can't.
I have my inspiration.
You do have an inspiration.
But it doesn't matter if I can be poisoned.
So it would it would it would poison you.
If but you can't take poison.
Right.
You can't be poisoned.
No I can't be poisoned.
Yeah.
So you can't be poisoned.
So nothing happens.
It's just like.
And I'm like it's like on my face and I'm like.
You are now grappled and at the start of your turn you must
succeed on that constitution saving throw.
I'll use my inspiration next time.
Or you must use a strength saving throw again.
Or strength contest.
It'll be like in that episode of Treehouse of Horrors when
the zombies are like poking at Homer's head.
And then they're like well we don't want this guy's got
no brains.
And they move on to the next guy.
Flamikins Kins got hit by one of the pincers from the number
three.
And that is going to be seven damage to Flamikins Kins.
And she must also make a strength contest.
She has zero strength.
So that's a 13.
So she beats it.
OK.
Back to the top.
Nuara.
Donnie.
You're up.
OK.
Number two is snapping in your face.
Oh yeah right.
He didn't quite get dead yet.
No not quite.
So that is 20.
Not critical.
So that is 21 damage.
Tell me how you destroy this jewel.
I'm going to just swing Dragon Slayer and chop off both
pincers.
But I'm still like pretty mad about the whole situation.
So I also then just like stab it in the gut.
Oh yeah.
I don't want it to slowly bleed out like.
So hold on.
You use two attacks on it.
No.
Oh god.
I'm kidding.
Don't be sticking.
So you keep a clear cut off.
Your pincers fall off.
But yeah you clean through clear through its gut as well.
Spilling its Chule guts.
Yeah.
So you've got Chule four attacking and grappling Thea.
Chule three attacking Flamikins and Flint fighting with number one at this point.
What?
Which one is in the middle of the ocean?
They came out.
They seem drawn towards you.
Right.
Yeah.
So I am going to attack the one that has Thea grappled then.
Okay.
Thanks buddy.
That is a 22.
Yep.
And that is 13 damage.
Okay.
It still has her.
Man.
It's tough.
Tough mofo isn't it.
Okay.
So Donnie is going to roll to see if his breath weapon is recharged.
It is not.
Okay.
But that's okay.
He can he can do other things.
He's not a he's not a one trick pony.
He is going to try to bite the one that has Flamikins or is fighting Flamikins.
Yep.
Donnie's not doing so good.
He's overly confident with his new appearance.
Swoops down and takes an open air bite just trying to be like hey hey I see you.
Exactly.
Flamikins is up and she's like this is an ugly piece of shit.
So yeah we'll just throw another chaos bolt in her direction.
That's a 19.
That's going to hit.
That's six.
Ten.
Ten lightning damage just wraps into this tool.
So is it like cooked now.
Would we eat it.
It did not get dead.
So not mean you couldn't stop me before.
It doesn't stop you before.
Thea you're up.
All right.
I am going to.
Where is the.
Well I need to make that strength contest don't I.
How about a 12.
Yeah.
You knock free of this pincer.
I do.
Yeah.
So you're good.
You knock free of this pincer.
And where is the enemy that has wronged me.
That's the one you're fighting.
Yeah.
Oh shit.
It's like on top of me.
I can't use my bow.
I'm going to I'm going to use a spell instead.
You could run 10 feet away from it and use your bow.
Take a attack of opportunity.
Which could stop you from moving altogether.
I'll burn it with my flame.
It's cool.
Then I'm going to poison spray it.
OK.
So it's 3D 12 and 10 17 so it's 19 damage.
Yeah.
You poison spray up into this thing's face and it doesn't appear affected by what
you've just done.
Thaddeus is up.
Yeah.
Thaddeus is going to throw a firebolt at the the Joel that's messing around
with Amy.
That's funny because he is about to throw a hissy fit.
So that is a 21.
Yeah.
Perfect.
All right.
Ten.
13 damage.
OK.
That's good.
Flint you're up.
I'll take on this Joel number one.
I guess that's attacking me.
And I'll swing swing my axe into its right pincher with a 26 attack roll.
So I think I should hit it.
I think you're going to hit it just barely just a little bit.
And that is 14 damage on the first attack.
And I'm going to kind of uppercut into the section below its right pincher.
If I can roll it on the table that would be helpful.
That's 21.
So that should work out.
Yep.
That's not so great.
Nine damage on that one.
Oh but I get to reroll that because it was a two.
Hold on.
Oh it's your force.
Oh it was a two again.
All right.
So nine damage.
And some things are just meant to be.
Yep.
Sometimes you can't fight it.
And third one I'm going to try and slice on into its face with all the wiggly things that are going on there with it.
And that is a 19.
Yep.
Oh max damage.
So 17.
Tell me how you kill this one.
Yeah after the attacks on its arm it kind of drops its guard because it took a couple hits and I like kind of take a big step forward and just drive my axe straight into the old face hole.
Sure.
All right.
And it yeah it goes down and drops and you have to pull out your axe a little bit there.
And then it is three and four's turn and they're going for four is going for Thea.
That's four.
And a 16.
16.
Well not.
Oh it's armor class.
Oh so yeah you didn't pull your shield so you got 16.
So it pincers you.
That's seven damage plus another strength.
20.
You will not grapple.
So surprised.
I like it.
Anytime I roll more than an 11 I'm surprised.
I'm not going to lie to you.
That's fair.
He's going for Flamikinskins and she has an armor class of 11.
Jesus.
She gets hit by one of the pincers for nine damage and a strength saving throw.
She succeeds.
Okay new Laura your turn.
So there's one fighting Thea and Flamikinskins.
Then I am going to go for the one on Thea because I think that's where I was last time.
That is a 15.
15 does not hit.
Okay.
How about a 17.
17 will hit.
That's 20 damage.
Yeah.
Tell me how you kill the jewel.
Just a straight beheading.
Just your standard beheading.
I wonder how many times I have you saying that.
That's a lot I think.
It's a lot it's my favorite way.
Just a straight beheading.
Just your standard.
It's one of my it's my go-to way.
It's so definitive.
I like that.
Donnie.
What's Donnie doing?
I guess he is going to try and recharge his weapon, his breath weapon, which he does not do.
But he will try to bite.
There's only one left now.
Yeah.
Yep.
So that is a 15.
15 does not hit.
Okay.
He's just air chopping a lot.
It's just his thing.
Okay.
Flame of Kins.
She's actually going to she's going to try and get nice and close and dagger it.
Oh yeah.
She does.
That's a 23.
Damn.
It doesn't do a lot of damage, but it's four piercing damage.
That shivs it.
A lot.
Yeah.
Then it's Thea's turn.
My my guy's dead.
So what does my oathbow whisper to me?
Swift defeat to my enemies.
And I say swift death to those who have wronged me.
Yeah.
And then I look at the last chule and I 24.
Yeah.
11 damage.
Thaddeus is up next as this arrow pierces in and the chule turns and eyes at Thea.
Turn around.
Never now and then.
Thaddeus.
I like the look.
Try not to spite up here.
Continue.
Yep.
Who's asleep?
Oh, a hundred percent.
I am.
I am fading fast here.
We're going to throw another firebolt at this guy.
Okay.
That is a 22.
Yep.
Six and three is nine damage.
Tell me how the fireball burns it.
The firebolt manages to kind of ricochet off of the outer shell a couple times and then
like disappears inside the chule and just like all of a sudden it slumps to the ground
and smoke starts coming out of the inner shell.
It ain't moving no more.
I like that.
That's fun.
It's good.
So the room is clear of chules.
Donnie has the garnet in hand.
Which way do you go?
Let's try to go the moving forward way because I feel like this was where we were supposed
to go and I don't want to go back towards where we previously were.
Sure.
Okay.
I think Thea took the most damage.
She just hobbles forward.
Did you take quite a bit?
It's real limpy.
No, but I took like maybe 20 points of damage.
Well, that's a fair bit for you.
You exit the pool room where you have just defeated the chules and begin back down the
winding hallways of the maze.
Walking for no more than a minute, the world seems to spin as you weave through
the pathway.
Seeing the tower to your left and then looking back and then it's to your right
and then not at all before you finally enter back into the sundial room.
And as you see it, there are still only two shadows pointing in a similar manner to
when you left.
The coins Flint left on the way out the last time disappeared, leaving no signs of
where you have come or gone.
Oh, sneaky.
You bought someone lunch.
Some of the music in today's episode is by Kavin McLeod of incompetech.filmmusic.io
and Scott Buckley at scottbuckley.com.au
Previously, you had a wonderful skills challenge.
Previously.
Tom's face again.
Just watch Tom's face all the time.
I feel like Tom's face mirrored my face at the time.
We were both like, Peter?
I just can only see half of your face, Amy, so I can get it.
Oh, yes.
There it is.
Oh, there she is.
Do just us five go down?
Tom, make that face again.
There you go.
It's a good one.
Perfect.
Also, Amy, your hair looks real good.
It is.
It's so good.
You're such a good redhead.
It's really great.
Do you want me to move this?
I'm like sitting super close.
Yeah, I know.
It's making me uncomfortable.
I don't like when my wife sits so close to me.
I don't like it when my wife is touching me.
Look, we had our anniversary.
We're touchy feely on the Facebooks there.
Now it's time to get back to business.
All right.
No more.
We don't PDA online.
It was very sweet.
It was.
And made sweeter because you don't do it all the time.
If you did that every day, I would know you would be.
I was going to say I would probably hide you.
I'm sorry.
But I would hide those people.
This is why I don't I don't post a lot.
I love love.
But I mean, come on now.
Some people believe that there's a dog underneath my table
that's going to be shit to edit out chewing on a bone.
Mm hmm.
That's a strong rumor.
She was coming through loud and clear.
I'm sorry, Tom and Carla.
What did you get?
Oh, my God.
I rolled a different dice and still got a two.
Twelve.
Eleven.
Here's my dice, please.
OK.
Yeah.
So everybody except Thea.
What?
I rolled a ten.
I'm just kidding.
Fleming's rolled one.
Sorry.
What was your?
Twenty five.
Oh, yeah.
Sure.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I hope that it was a hit.
No.
Good luck.
I'm fucked.
Yeah.
They said nobody gets out.
Oh, boy.
No.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.